Wednesday, March 30, 2011

3/30/11


Los Angeles, CA

I've already said I spend a lot of time in the car. But today -
today, the windows were rolled down and I got to feel
my hair blowing in my face.

It reminded me that I hate my hair when it's short, but also
that it will grow and I will never never never
make that mistake again.

And in the mean time, I will enjoy
the breeze that squeezes itself between the hills in the valley
and weaves its way through my windows
to a mix of Adele and Kanye
that I have picked to be the soundtrack of my 82 degree evening.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

3/29/11



Los Angeles, CA

You know how they say you can hear birds
chirping, the sky seems more
blue, and it's just easier
to smile when you are 7th grade girl giddy
after finding a note from a secret admirer in your locker?

Today, everything I see has a ring of sunshine around it.

Monday, March 28, 2011

3/28/11


Los Angeles, CA

I spend a lot of time in the car -
regularly. Which is why my car is packed
with gadgets and, embarassingly, trash... and work.
Folders and binders of trainings I've taught and attended, remnants of time
Stella has spent in the car, and a breakfast dish I made for a brunch
with friends about a year ago. Egg that I can't scrub free.

I hate wasting so much time in the car, but in LA
it's inevitable. And now a prospect...making a long drive,
heart racing, mind buzzing, butterflies propelling
me down the 405.

Tonight, I don't hate car time quite so much.

Friday, March 25, 2011

3/25/11

Huntsville, AL

Today, is my first official day on weight watchers.
9 points down, only 16 left.
That sounds like a lot, right?
WRONG!
You wouldn't believe how many points is in a delicious burrito at Moe's is,
16.5.
Which means, no queso, no chips, and especially no cookie.
And NO COKE!
This is going to be hard. Very hard.
I am determined!
I'm not only doing this to fit into my clothes again,
I want to feel good about myself, inside and out.
I can do this!
I will succeed!

***********************************************************************************
Mount Sidney, VA

I could look at pretty things all day.
Especially
Fridays.
Love.
***********************************************************************************

Thursday, March 24, 2011

3/24/11

Mount Sidney, VA

Pick one.

***********************************************************************
Huntsville, AL


First crush.
He drew her a picture of flowers
and brought it to her.
They had cake and apple juice
and played house.
She looked at him with her hands on her hips when he
would not listen to her.
Funny, that probably won't be the last time they do that,
only difference, they will be grown ups.

*************************************************************

3/23/11

Huntsville, AL


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Los Angeles, CA

She is feeling good enough to stay planted
when I pulled out the vacuum and sit in stubborn glory
on her spot on the rug.

"I'm not moving."

She is feeling good enough that I ran the hose up and down her back,
engaging her in play, something I have been too scared to do
since she got sick. I stuck the hose
on the top of her head, like a cherry on top.

"I think I look good in a mohawk."

Stella, I agree.

*************************************************************************************
Mount Sidney, VA

I couldn't help but post this
adorably miserable 
picture of my little girl
in her new 
cool girl
biker helmet.
The baby chicks ardorning
the top were not enough
to cheer her up
but 
she still makes me laugh.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

3/22/11


Mount Sidney, VA

Today I learned to
when I see a leaf
brown, crackled
with thousands of lines
interwoven like a spider web
of aged leather
but more fragile
black spots bore through
like burns
folded over
bent into awkward positions
but still holding up
against the elements
strong
but fragile
broken
but whole

***********************************************************************************
Huntsville, AL


My couch isn't the best quality.
The lamps are from a yard sale.
The end tables are family heirlooms,
given to me from my Grandmother.
And the painting, my mother did not have room for it.
She gave it to me.
I'm not sure if it's really my style.
I haven't pinpointed what my style really is.
I've never had the money to buy what I want.
My friend wanted me to take a picture of my apartment.
I've avoided this for two months.

This is the couch I sit on when I feed my baby,
and when I watch American Idol.
I'm just happy it's mine.
It will all have to do for now.

***********************************************************************************


Los Angeles, CA

I just read this article on Hilary Clinton, where
she said she loves to clean out cupboards; she finds
solace in having a task with a distinct
beginning, middle, and end.

I thought I would play Hilary for awhile and tackle a shelf,
one that gets more full every time I go to the store
because I have begun to collect teas in the same way
that some people collect stamps or magnets
from foreign countries, or how our mothers collected spoons.

Every morning I open this cupboard and rummage, wondering what treat
I am going to impart upon myself today. This simple
ritual has become a comfort: a mad-tea-party-ginger-peach-green-sencha-sweetened
blend of memories inside each canister.

And now I can see them all.

Monday, March 21, 2011

3/21/11

Huntsville, AL

Did you know that there is no record in history of a person dying from a tarantula bite?
True story: Chattanooga Aquarium
So I did not zoom in when I took this picture.
This arachnophobic got up close.

*************************************************************************************

Los Angeles, CA
via County Cork, Ireland

It was hard to leave
this place, where the fields were as open
as the skies and the pints and the instant pub-made friends.
Where a chorus of music made everyone family, but not
in a "Cheers" kind of way...no,
here, we learned to say, "Slainte!"
from the gut straight through to the back of the throat,
with the grit of the road and the dregs of the glass
coloring every last drop of this song we learned to chant
like a native.

*****************************************************************************************
Mount Sidney, VA

I am too cool for school
in my new trike
with the oversized
sun shade
and straps falling down
like the too big
backback I will wear
on my first day of kindergarten.
My big girl college sweatshirt 
reminding mommy
of how the time
will fly faster
than the wind in my hair.

Friday, March 18, 2011

3/18/11

Mount Sidney, VA

Preparation
is culminating
to a big event 
in two days.
Happy face cut-outs
bunting banners
and black labs
have filled my past few weeks
and we can't wait 
to celebrate.

***************************************************************************************

Thursday, March 17, 2011

3/17/11

Mount Sidney, VA
This time last year she was one day old.
Now she's throwing ugly photo props off her head 
with glistening lips.
And we're having way too much fun.

*Happy St. Patrick's Day*
******************************************************************************

Brooke from LA will be back next week as she is truly celebrating 
St. Patrick's Day like a champ...
IN IRELAND!
Can't wait to see the pictures!

*****************************************************************************
Huntsville, AL

It was 80 degrees today.
My God, it was beautiful out.
I loved every minute I was outside.
And I literally mean every minute, because I spent most of the day inside.

*****************************************************************************

3/16/2011

Mount Sidney, VA

Being the birthday princess must be exhausting.

*Happy First Birthday, Annalee Jo*

*********************************************************************************
 Huntsville, AL

My all American boy
went to his first t-ball practice yesterday.
I arrived a little late with Sam and noticed the little ball players
huddled up on the field around their coach.
Luke's first coach, his first time up to bat,
and more importantly,
his first time being a part of a team.
Go Rockhounds!

**********************************************************************************

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

3/15/11

Mount Sidney, VA

We are in GREAT anticipation
of a big birthday party coming up this weekend.
I love getting boxes and presents and cards
in the mail
making every day
 feel like Christmas.
For Annalee
a world of bubble wrap
and tissue paper
is simply heaven.
****************************************************************************************

Monday, March 14, 2011

3/14/11

Huntsville, AL

This picture was taken in my home town. 
I used to drive down these roads with the windows down,
the breeze twisting my hair
Van Morrison's Moondance on the radio.
Breathing in the smell of
  dog wood and cow manure.
The warm sun in your face as you drift off into a daydream
Thinking this road will never end
Feeling so lucky to be in this little place 
of comfort 
It will always be with me.

************************************************************************************
Mount Sidney, VA
Annalee's first word was "dog"
with a long, drawn out, country O.
She loves Henry
more than us
I think.
But I've been slacking.
I've missed you, buddy.
Since the baby
you've taken a back seat
and I'm sorry
for pushing your slobbery kisses
away.
You deserve love, 
and attention, too,
You big, black, bear of a
DOOOOG.

*****************************************************************************************



Sunday, March 13, 2011

3/11/10

Fort Defiance, VA

You make Friday
even sweeter.

***********************************************************************************
 Huntsville, AL


I caught him sucking his thumb.
It happened so quickly that I had to bolt to get my camera in time
to catch this adorable little moment.
I used to suck my thumb too.
In fact, I not only sucked my thumb but I also did it while holding onto
a warm, soft, fuzzy pink blanket.
I literally rubbed the blanket under my nose while I sucked my thumb as I drifted off
into a deep slumber.
The funny part was, my parents had to go into my room after I was asleep
to pick the fuzz out of my nose.
It was a nightly ritual that I eventually broke.
Partly due to my blanket being taken away.
It had a lot holes in it.
It makes me wonder what funny little stories I will share with my boys
Someday.

************************************************************************************

Friday, March 11, 2011

3/10/11

Fort Defiance, VA

Dear Journal,

I love you. 
And I thank you.
Sometimes I think you've saved my
life
and wonder
where I would be without you.
Surely
I would not be
here.

***********************************************************************************
 Huntsville, AL


Sometimes you need silly glasses
to make you feel better.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

3/9/11

Los Angeles, CA

Maybe it was because I was in a (particularly) good
mood today, but when I pulled up
at a stop sign behind this monster
of a message, I laughed
OUT LOUD.

And it got me to thinking, when
is the last time I laughed out loud all by myself? Felt
that squeeze from the gut that spreads
to the lips and lose my grip
on the wheel?

Bitch, it felt good.

****************************************************************************************
Fort Defiance, VA

This morning I saved a stink bug.
I saw it crawling
happily
up my shabby chic 
bulletin board
and promptly picked it up
placing it outside my window to roam free
minutes later
he was still there
frozen in the rain
I thought I'd killed him
and grabbed a student to help me on my 
rescue mission
she picked him up
and released him on the floor
he sat frozen for minutes
and I worried he was a goner
but not long after
away he went
wandering into my closet
revived.

****************************************************************************************

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

3/8/2011


Los Angeles, CA

Sometimes you just feel
like jumping for joy.

*************************************************************************************
Fort Defiance, VA

I want to turn this fist
inside my stomach
into a beautiful bouquet
of flowers
and writing
is the only way
I know how. 

*Image taken from pictures of my fist and the flowers in my classroom 
and edited by my photojournalism student, Emily Ford.
**********************************************************************************

Monday, March 7, 2011

3/7/11

Huntsville, AL

Remember a time when you didn't want to eat your veggies?
Last night my mother told my four year old he could have some carrots for a snack.
He immediately said, "I don't like carrots."
But then she she showed him the platter with ranch dip.
He immediately dipped his carrot and said,
"I love carrots."
Presentation of food makes a world of difference,
especially to a four year old!

**********************************************************************************
Mount Sidney, VA

I really want to get back into reading. I've had this book hidden inside my storage ottoman for weeks now and finally brought it out after a refreshing session with my acupuncturist. I am very interested in learning how heart and kidney yin deficiencies and liver qi stagnation can cause anxiety, irritability, dark under eye circles, and night sweats.

If I can beat
THIS
nagging companion
(anxiety)
without
pharmaceutical companions
I will be very
HAPPY.

**********************************************************************************

Los Angeles, CA

Hello, friend. Remember the last time I slid
you in my back pocket? Hopped on a ferry, back
and forth on a whim with a hint of a kiss
on the horizon of the Adriatic.

I am so glad I unearthed you
once again.

Friday, March 4, 2011

3/4/11

Fort Defiance, VA

The butterflies in my belly
are doing back flips.
Only one more hour
and my future will be delivered
to the man in charge
in the form of this impersonal
letter
(minus the butterflies).
Will it be okay?
Am I making the right decision?
Will I be happy?
Only time will tell
but in my heart I hear a resounding
yes
yes
yes.

****************************************************************************************
Huntsville, AL

It's an exciting moment for both mother and baby.
The first taste of something new.
It's a small victory, he liked it.
Half the jar was empty.
My heart was full.

**********************************************************************************

Los Angeles, CA

You know you're a grown up
when splurging with your tax
return, means buying a really nice trash can.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

3/3/11

Huntsville, AL

Warm, gooey, melt in your mouth goodness.
The sign read, "Hot Now."
I could not resist.
I deserved this happy little moment!

************************************************************************************

Los Angeles, CA

My mother was surprised
when she came to visit: You still have that
thing?

This is what I curl up
with on the couch after a long day
and want to feel memories
wrapped around me.

************************************************************************************

Fort Defiance, VA

When I look into my magic disco ball 
I hear
 the confident
unified voice of the Supremes 
singing

"Reflections of
the way life used to be..."

over and over again
and wonder what I will be thinking
of the way life used to be
this time next year.

3/2/11

Fort Defiance, VA

My brain has this phrase on repeat:
"Leap and the net will appear."
I thought it accompanied my "fly" wall canvas
quite nicely
especially
on a day that I took a giant leap.

(more to come later)

For now, my I-pod will be playing
until further notice
and I will be singing these lines
over and
over and
over
until they start to sink in
and my face lights up
with the biggest smile
imaginable
as I slowly realize
that my dream has been
FREED.

"There was a dream
and one day I could see it
Like a bird in a cage I broke in and demanded that somebody free it
And there was a kid with a head full of doubt
So I’ll scream til I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out."

***************************************************************************************

Los Angeles, CA

I love LA after it rains. Apparently this city
is surrounded by mountains -
and the white caps debut only after the clouds lift.
The bush outside my building sparkled this morning
with drops of water that rarely make
an appearance around here.

You never realize how dense the smog
until it lifts.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

3/1/11


Huntsville, AL

Today, was a clear, sunny, warm day.
75 degrees to be exact.
As I walked outside of Target I stopped and stared.
I was surrounded by beautiful mountains.
They reminded me of home, back in Virginia.

************************************************************************************
Fort Defiance, VA

This little girl visited our school today.
Her name is Ginger and she was the runt.
I know she will be loved.
She is the sweetest little teddy bear of a puppy I have ever seen.
When I see something so cute and cuddly I immediately want to
jump back on the baby train.

What is it about women
that we must love
take care of
cuddle
help
squeeze
nurture

whatever we can get our hands on?
************************************************************************************


Los Angeles, CA

If today is Tuesday, then
yesterday was Tupac: a good day.
They say bad luck comes in threes, so maybe
I am in trouble? My practice is official,
halfway to my dream career, and promoted.
So why do I feel like I am drowning?